Comment Wall

 Please comment and leave feedback on the stories I choose to write about :)

Comment Wall



Comment on my portfolio !! (Comments, google)

Comments

  1. Hey Logan, I really enjoyed reading this story. I don’t know if it was your intention but it was actually very funny. The way you modernized the story with wording such as “the boys'' or even the fact that the King had a lake for his boys to play in. You did a really good job of telling the story in your own words and keeping the original context. It just goes to show how imaginative your writing is because I felt like I read an entirely different story. One thing I may recommend is the passive style of writing, you utilize a lot of passive verbs in your writing. It is one problem I have also faced in my writing as well, I would just recommend exploring more active verbs to make your story a little more fluid. I would also relay what happened in the original story in your author's notes. Though, you stated you did not change much it would allow the reader to know what’s different with your story.

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  2. Hi Logan! Your story was a great read!
    Just to let you know I don't think there was a comment wall link added on your portfolio, so I would check on that! I like that you changed up the ending so that there's room for a sequel. I also think that you did a great job in emphasizing the humans' prejudice and judgement. The only thing I've noticed is that there were some grammatical errors. There were some run-on sentences and incorrect usage of commas. I've also learned that when the speaker changes in a dialogue, you're supposed to create a new paragraph. This would also fix another problem in that the story felt very blocky, because it wasn't organized using different paragraphs. I've found the editing exercises and Laura's comments immensely helpful. I've had to do some extensive work to fix my story up as well. Good luck!

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  3. Hey Logan!
    I love how you have your page laid out, so far! I really enjoy how easy on the eyes it is, and your first story is amazing!!
    I will say, the "comment wall" button/link is incredibly small, and I almost missed it. There is a way on Google sites to make it a big bigger, and maybe you could consider making it a focal point of the home page, rather than a tiny little piece of a text. Regardless, the story you wrote was incredibly well executed, grammatical mistakes aside. I know I am insanely guilty of making these same mistakes, but there are a few that you may want to look at! I know Laura's commentary on our stories is super useful and really lays out what we need to fix, step by step. Anyways, good luck with your revisions!

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  4. Hi Logan,
    "The Turtle and The King" story was one of my favorite stories that we read earlier in the semester. I really liked how in the original story the turtle was clever and tricked the king and his men to let him go so that he could live the rest of his life in peace. I feel that the "trick" aspect is missing from your story, but I like how you changed it up and made the turtle somewhat snarky in the end towards the king and his boys for wanting to kill him. it seems to give the turtle more personality. It made me imagine that the turtle is like an old man, or turtle, that is upset his peaceful life was disturbed. I also like how you left the story open ended and enticed the reader to come back to check your stories in the future in your author's note. Overall, I quite enjoyed it, good job.

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  5. Hey Logan, I like how you stuck to the original story but added a twist to the end because I had never read the original story. I think you did a good job of putting it into your own words and I was drawn in by the innocence and humor throughout the entirety of the story. It was really interesting how you decided to leave the ending more open-ended because it leaves the reader wondering or assuming what happens next. Also, it allows you to maybe add a sequel in the future, where you can clarify what happens after the turtle gets released back into the water. Does he come back to the boys and give them a lesson? Overall, I think this is a great way to start out your storybook and your website looks fantastic. The design and layout are easily accessible and I think that is something that will benefit you as we continue in the course.

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