Comment Wall

 Please comment and leave feedback on the stories I choose to write about :)

Comment Wall



Comment on my portfolio !! (Comments, google)

Comments

  1. Hey Logan, I really enjoyed reading this story. I don’t know if it was your intention but it was actually very funny. The way you modernized the story with wording such as “the boys'' or even the fact that the King had a lake for his boys to play in. You did a really good job of telling the story in your own words and keeping the original context. It just goes to show how imaginative your writing is because I felt like I read an entirely different story. One thing I may recommend is the passive style of writing, you utilize a lot of passive verbs in your writing. It is one problem I have also faced in my writing as well, I would just recommend exploring more active verbs to make your story a little more fluid. I would also relay what happened in the original story in your author's notes. Though, you stated you did not change much it would allow the reader to know what’s different with your story.

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  2. Hi Logan! Your story was a great read!
    Just to let you know I don't think there was a comment wall link added on your portfolio, so I would check on that! I like that you changed up the ending so that there's room for a sequel. I also think that you did a great job in emphasizing the humans' prejudice and judgement. The only thing I've noticed is that there were some grammatical errors. There were some run-on sentences and incorrect usage of commas. I've also learned that when the speaker changes in a dialogue, you're supposed to create a new paragraph. This would also fix another problem in that the story felt very blocky, because it wasn't organized using different paragraphs. I've found the editing exercises and Laura's comments immensely helpful. I've had to do some extensive work to fix my story up as well. Good luck!

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  3. Hey Logan!
    I love how you have your page laid out, so far! I really enjoy how easy on the eyes it is, and your first story is amazing!!
    I will say, the "comment wall" button/link is incredibly small, and I almost missed it. There is a way on Google sites to make it a big bigger, and maybe you could consider making it a focal point of the home page, rather than a tiny little piece of a text. Regardless, the story you wrote was incredibly well executed, grammatical mistakes aside. I know I am insanely guilty of making these same mistakes, but there are a few that you may want to look at! I know Laura's commentary on our stories is super useful and really lays out what we need to fix, step by step. Anyways, good luck with your revisions!

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  4. Hi Logan,
    "The Turtle and The King" story was one of my favorite stories that we read earlier in the semester. I really liked how in the original story the turtle was clever and tricked the king and his men to let him go so that he could live the rest of his life in peace. I feel that the "trick" aspect is missing from your story, but I like how you changed it up and made the turtle somewhat snarky in the end towards the king and his boys for wanting to kill him. it seems to give the turtle more personality. It made me imagine that the turtle is like an old man, or turtle, that is upset his peaceful life was disturbed. I also like how you left the story open ended and enticed the reader to come back to check your stories in the future in your author's note. Overall, I quite enjoyed it, good job.

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  5. Hey Logan, I like how you stuck to the original story but added a twist to the end because I had never read the original story. I think you did a good job of putting it into your own words and I was drawn in by the innocence and humor throughout the entirety of the story. It was really interesting how you decided to leave the ending more open-ended because it leaves the reader wondering or assuming what happens next. Also, it allows you to maybe add a sequel in the future, where you can clarify what happens after the turtle gets released back into the water. Does he come back to the boys and give them a lesson? Overall, I think this is a great way to start out your storybook and your website looks fantastic. The design and layout are easily accessible and I think that is something that will benefit you as we continue in the course.

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  6. Hi Logan!

    Your story stuck very well to the original but it managed to be just as interesting too.
    I found my eyes had a hard time scanning down and reading this story so you might try breaking up the paragraphs a little bit. Starting a new paragraph with each new dialogue would be a good idea too just so your readers don't get lost while trying to read. I like the cliffhanger that you included in the end, but I want some more description throughout. For instance, you state that the turtle was very "upset about the dialogue" from the humans, but what is their dialogue like? It would be nice if we could get some of their actual conversation just so that we can be more involved within the story itself. Delving more into the turtle's perspective could be an interesting choice that you could make too. Anyways, you did a good job! Keep it up!

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  7. Hi Logan!
    I really enjoyed reading your story! I liked how true you stayed to the original story, it really made me feel like you were trying to expand it, or just give it a different perspective. What I liked most was that you added a different twist at the end. I remember in the original, the turtle talked his way out of getting killed due to the lack of knowledge about him. In your story he does the same, but instead of living his life freely, he has this need to retaliate because of the threat to his life made by the King. It adds a whole other layer to this character, and if you wanted to add on to it, you totally could because you end it at a part where nothing really happens to the boys, but there is a promise that in the future something will. Thank you so much for sharing!

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  8. Yo Logan! I really really appreciate the way you told this story. It was very simply told, sort of reminiscent of a children's book. I think that it adds personality to the story. I actually let out some chuckles when reading how you chose to portray certain instances, like with the boys running away from the turtle because "they never knew such a creature could talk". This is a very simple conveyance of emotion, but it works with the whole tone of the story, which effectively make the entirety of the tale have a very enjoyable humorous undertone. The ending with all of your questions also strikes me as something you may find in a childrens book. Since children are typically not adept enough to truly ponder on open ended endings in the most concise ways, you are sort of doing it for them with your ending, like guiding the youngsters. I think this was a very unique and enjoyable read!

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  9. Hi Logan! I really liked your story, and just read it for the first time this week. I'm not sure if you had an introduction page or anything, but I didn't see one! I might have just missed it, but if not, I think it would be good to add one with a brief summary so that everyone has a little insight into what is going on beforehand. I also think it would be beneficial to make the paragraphs a bit shorter. It can be kind of hard to read when they are so large, but otherwise, I believe you did a really great job on this story! I like that you decided to keep it about the same, just change it by using your own words. I could tell that you have a humorous side, which really shone throughout your writing. I think changing stories around really reflect a person's character, and I am excited to read more from you!

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  10. Hey Logan! I just read your rendition of the story about the turtle! I thought you did a great job retelling it and adding details to make it your very own version. I thought that how you decided to add in the end how the turtle says " ill be back" was great! It does allow for possibility of more stories.So, now that the semester is almost over I am curious if you ever wrote one. It would be cool to see what happens next with the turtle! If not, it is also good cause it could just be up to mind of the reader. I also wrote my own rendition of this story but changed more of elements of the story I added an evil prince and gave the turtle a new home far away from the evil humans. You can check it out sometime although it is not as good as yours. Great job in your project so far and look forward to reading more of your short stories. Happy writing!

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  11. Hi Logan,
    I enjoyed your story based on The Turtle and the King. The way the boys were scared of the turtle or "demon" was cute. I am glad the turtle was released and it was interesting how you made him react. He seems pretty mad, and we can tell he's the type to hold a grudge! I wonder what happens next..
    Next, the monkey story!
    I thought it was pleasantly amusing that the mother was said to love the monkey so much...so much that she wants to tear his heart out and eat it. I was so scared when the monkey begins to love the mama crocodile too. Because his love was certainly not the same type as hers was in the beginning. Thankfully, her love evolved. I was so relieved and happy to read that they all became good friends and had a happy ending.
    I think your blog layout looks great! I think the paragraph spacing is good and the placement of the visuals is clean and attractive. I like the theme you went with as well, and I think everything fits really nicely with your stories.

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